I sit at a cafe drinking a cappuccino d’orzo, one of the many new discoveries that I’ve made with my new-found, open mind. My new-found mind sits in my new-found city, Rome, where I lived once before, just shy of 2 years ago. And I sit here with the contemplation of having just collided with my past, my new world with the old.
Both the fortunate and not so fortunate have jobs today, while I am both fortunate and unfortunate for not having a job, so I had nothing to do and no one to do it with, and so I walked. Really, I was suppose to look for a job but my legs started walking and quite plainly informed me that they didn’t intend to stop anytime soon. And so I walked around a lot. I let my heart lead the way as I always do and I realized that I really hadn’t explored this city enough on my own because of my fear of getting lost. However, I’ve found that in Rome, you are never too lost to find the center. I can’t wait to realize what that symbolises but let us not digress. So after a while, I found myself walking along the tram tracks that lead to my friend’s old apartment where I stayed for a week upon first arriving here. I walked along these tracks, and then I walked some more. After what was about an hour, I decided that I didn’t care so much about going to my friend’s area but that I wanted to stop following the tracks and turn right along some street. And after I do, it takes but a minute or two before I realize that I’m, in fact, walking along the street to her house. I’m starting to want a break to stop and consider if it’s time to turn back or not when something tells me to find her apartment, that it’s symbolic. I could just barely find her apartment two years ago but when you follow your heart’s desire, you never get lost. And so I find it very easily.
The last time I was here, I didn’t really like it. It reminded me of Queens, where I grew up. I didn’t like Rome in general at first until I settled down and calmed my nerves. But now that I’m walking here in this moment, with my positive energy, I love it and realize that, perhaps it was my fear of this place that colored it ugly.
Just two years ago I arrived in Rome. I had always wanted to travel and live my life abroad among many places. But it is so much easier to talk than it is to walk and so, when my friend started her internship in Rome, I decided to take advantage of it by way of using it as a means of motivation to actually put my talk into motion.
What would be begin was a difficult journey through an awesome, foreign city by a girl who was pret-ty terrified and lonesome but who had some pretty wonderful experiences and met even more wonderful people.
Sometimes when I was really scared and lonely, before falling asleep I’d lay in bed and, from my future self, I would thank my then- current self. I’d thank myself for all that I was enduring and for all the lessons that I was learning in order to grow into the person I would, and on some plane of existence, had already become.
Alas, that journey didn’t call for success and I had to leave after running out of money and not finding a job. What would follow would be my journey back to Rome. A Journey with equal difficulty in comparison but a journey, too, that would reveal who I was and a journey that continued even a couple of days before my flight to Rome, where I’d begin my new journey feeling much more whole and liberated.
In this moment I’m in super high spirits. Just a week ago I was really scared and felt like I was repeating the past until I realized that I wanted to find a job a little more fulfilling and helpful to others than waiting tables; that I wanted to teach English. After this realization, doors started opening and thanks to a friend of mine who put me in touch with a school, I have an interview at a school tomorrow for a position. It seems that when you finally realize what it is that you want and what it is that the Universe wants for you, you will find that it is already waiting for you. And whether or not I get this job tomorrow, I know this to be true and I know that I’m on the right path, where that something lies in wait, waiting for me to discover it.
And now I’m back here anew. And as I’m walking up her really long driveway to her apartment, I can feel my spirit from two years ago walking along as well, frightened and in a foreign place, only, she doesn’t know I’m there. And as we’re walking along, we may look like the same person, but we are not and I know that tonight, before I fall asleep, I will thank her for all that she has endured and for all the hard lessons learnt in order to put me on this path that I walk today. And even though nothing is certain and my journey has just begun, we have travelled a really long way to begin it.